Family

I have written some about this before but it is on my mind heavily again.....

My dad's family has never been the side that I was particularly close to. I didn't really see or know them much growing up. He had a sister & brother in CA, a sister in TX, and a sister in OK. We were in MO. I had 2 cousin's close to my age and we were (and still are) like sisters.....but the others were so much older (now in there late 30's and early 40's) and so far away that we just didn't see them. BUT, now that we have Jenna, I have the overwhelming desire to connect with them. Even if I don't like everything about them and they don't like everything about me, the desire to know them is strong. I have over the past 2 years (starting before Jenna), started reconnecting with my 1st cousins and their kids. It has been such an amazing process. I have 2 cousins, 5 years apart in age, and raised in different states, who are so much alike it is scary. I have another cousin whose handwriting looks just like my dad's!

This has all led me to thinking about life and family.....My husband just doesn't get it. His comment was, "I have family that live here in Missouri I don't see? Does it really matter?" Well, I think family is a big part of who you are. I never really fit in with my mom's family, my sister, 2 other cousins, and myself, have always just been different. Since finding these other family members I feel like pieces of the puzzle are falling into place.

Recently, I had an Aunt pass away. At the funeral, I felt like they were talking about someone I didn't know. I didn't have any memories of her that were like what the described. It was so sad to me that I must have missed out on so much. There was a side to her I never saw or knew. Through her death, I found a cousin I have never met. Two cousins, that because of situations beyond their control, have not been a part of our family for years. My Aunt had been in contact with this cousin, when no one else in the family had. My female cousin and I have started talking via email and I hope to actually get to meet her soon. I have also found out that I have a new baby cousin born in February (which is the only one to carry on my dad's family name)! It was such a joy to my aunts to hear this news, they cried knowing that their dad would be so proud. When I thought of all of this, I realized that what an AWESOME gift my aunt had given to us in her death. To give us all the opportunity to connect with my 2 cousins and to begin to build a relationship. She truly loved us all. There needs to be a lot of healing in this situation, but, I am sure that my aunt will have a hand in that as well.

Family is a gift that we are all given and all assume will always be there. I am determined to not sit through another family funeral and feel that I didn't really know that person.

What an gift to give my daughter, this incredible (& sometimes crazy) thing called FAMILY!